"Tips" are bad for you continued
But the fundamental problem is that you can’t keep yourself safe with do’s and don’ts. If you compiled a list of these lists, you’d have a list of 4,392 things you are supposed to do and not do. Who can live that way?
And failing to follow all the rules is inevitable. Then, instead of thinking about how to keep ourselves safe, we’re thinking about how we just broke the rule and now it's our own fault we're unsafe, or we're thinking we have no options.
Or what if you followed 4,391 of the tips, and chose--or forgot--to do the 4,392nd. If you were attacked, was it your fault for not doing them all? What if I wasn’t “aware of my surroundings”? What if I parked next to a van? Do’s and don’ts make it our fault when something bad happens to us.
Harassment, abuse, and assault are not our fault, no matter what we do or don’t do. They are the fault of the attacker. We can adopt strategies that help us make safer decisions and be empowered in how we live our lives, but that means complex thinking about the choices we make. Tips are not empowering. They are rules.
Although it sometimes may not look like it or feel like it, we always have choices, can use our heads to make decisions that work for us. By doing things like having a plan, having a sense of worth and self-confidence, you can have the tools to react in any situation. Self-defense is not just for those times when someone jumps out of the bushes (that pretty much never happens). It's a pro-active way of living your life leading from your strength, not from fear.
(Gratitude to Farah, Krissi, and Shana, who helped with this piece.)
