Bystanders, continued
If it’s not an emergency, you can follow up later (for example, “Griselda, it looked like Archimedes was touching you a lot when he was talking to you in the cafeteria. Was that okay with you?” (In case anyone’s confused, attacks of all kinds *are* emergencies.)
2—Speak to the target. If someone’s being harassed, or teased, or groped, or pressured in a social situation, you can be direct: “Are you OK?” or “Can I do anything?” or “Do you want to come with me?” Or you can be indirect, “Hey, Athena, I need to talk with you! Come here!” or “I think the BBQ is burning… Hermione, will you check it?”
This won't necessarily resolve the situation, but it will let the target know that there are other options. It will let both the target and the harasser know that people are seeing what’s happening.
If it’s an ongoing situation, like you think your coworker or family member is in an abusive relationship, tell her you are worried about her, you wonder if her relationship is healthy, and you’re want to support her or offer her names of places she can get help.
3--Make a scene. In a public space, like on the subway or in a movie theater, you can draw attention to the problem by saying something like: “This guy is putting his hands all over her!” or “That man has his penis out!”
Even if your intervention doesn’t “solve” the situation, you will have transformed it by acknowledging and bringing attention to it. If you’re wrong, or the perpetrator yells at you, so be it.
4—Practice. You wouldn’t try to run a marathon if you’d been a couch potato for the past year. You have to get in shape to take action. So speak up about the “small” things, like teasing, “jokes,” or talking about people behind their backs. If something doesn’t feel right to you, say something. Not only will this prepare your “intervention muscles” for the day you may run into a high-stakes situation, but it also will help make the world a better place every day.
You have different options in different situations. Most of us will never witness a murder or a rape. But *all* of us will witness bullying, harassment, and abuse. You’ll have a chance to do something. Make sure you’re ready.
